Prisoners in Our Minds
by Aletheia Nyx
Summary: Alex and Stella. Two very strong women. So how is it that both fall into the darkness residing in their minds? And who will try to save them from themselves? (Summary isn't very good, I hope the story is better. Rated M for TRIGGER WARNINGS. Eating Disorders and Self Harm will be discussed in depth, so please don't read if you'll get triggered)


**This is somewhat AU but also somewhat canon-compliant. In other words, Piper, Alex and Stella are all still in the prison, along with all their other friends. Piper never went off the rails and framed Stella, and the three of them end up in a relationship. Aydin didn't come to kill Alex and there was no riot. Slow-burn romance development and also slow-burn development of the issues discussed in this fan-fiction. POV switching each chapter, mostly between Alex, Stella and Piper although there may be some chapters from other people's POV. This story is rated M for the triggering subjects in it, so if you get triggered by eating disorders and possibly self harm, please don't read this. If you continue to read, please don't comment about how it triggered you, as I have given you warning. With that said and done, I don't own Orange is the New Black and I hope you enjoy!**

 **Remember to R &R, Con-Crit is accepted and encouraged (:**

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 _ **Alex's POV**_

Alex was sick of Litchfield. That wasn't even in question. She was still in the process of forgiving Piper for bringing her back here, even though it had been a few months already. One of the main reasons she was sick of it was a couple of certain people. Her blonde haired ex was one of them. Despite everything Piper had done, Alex still loved her. The other person was the mysterious Australian woman. Stella, her name was. Despite the raven-haired woman's love for Piper, she also found herself attracted to the androgynous Australian.

Sighing loudly, Alex climbed out of her bed to go take a shower. She always went at 5am in order to avoid the long shower and bathroom lines. She wasn't surprised to see a couple of other girls there, there usually was. What she didn't expect to see was Tiffany, or Pennsatucky, in there. The devout Christian was not normally awake at 5am, never mind at the showers. Having already stripped at her bed, Alex moved towards the showers while pulling her towel off.

Once Tiffany caught a glance of Alex, it appeared she couldn't help but to make a snarky comment.  
"Looks like you've put on a little weight, Vause," she called, mockingly. Normally, Pennsatucky's comments wouldn't even faze the imprisoned drug dealer, but for some reason Alex found herself without a witty comeback and flinching softly. She hoped Tiffany hadn't seen her weakness. Quickly, she stepped into the shower and turned it on, waiting for the sound of the rushing water before she let soft tears fall.

Alex didn't cry, especially not from Pennsatucky's remarks about her, but as she found herself looking down at her body...she realised the Christian woman was right. She'd put on weight. Too much weight. With the slop they got as food and her mandatory garden work every day, Alex wondered how she could possibly be gaining weight. _'Probably all the snack foods from commissary'_ she thought, washing herself quickly.

The black haired female made sure to stifle her tears and wash her face before stepping out of the shower, wrapping her towel around herself tightly. Tiffany had left, but she could hear someone in the bathroom stall. The door was closed, so she didn't know who it was, but Alex swore she could hear them throwing up. Turning to the mirror, Alex briskly brushed through her hair and applied her makeup. By this time, the person in the stall must have been done as the toilet flushed and the door opened.

Alex looked up, glancing into the mirror before her. She could see, faintly, but the image was distorted and warped. As such, she turned around, leaning her back against the counter. A pale-faced, shaky brunette met her gaze briefly, enough time for her to recognise the other woman as Stella. Alex's eyes widened slightly as Stella moved to a sink, quickly rinsing her mouth out with some water.  
"Are you alright?" she asked the Australian, slight concern lacing her tone.

Stella glanced up to Alex after splashing cold water on her face.  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered after a second. Alex got the feeling that Stella wasn't entirely telling the truth, but she knew it wasn't really her place to challenge her statement. Instead, she shifted herself onto the counter, leaning against the wall.  
"You sounded sick, look it too. You feeling any better now?" Alex questioned, her voice soft and non-accusatory. She didn't want the other woman to think she didn't believe her, rather that she was just concerned.

"A bit, but I don't think I'll be eating breakfast," Stella murmured in response. Alex nodded slightly, seeing the logic. And also a way in to maybe losing some weight.  
"Maybe something's been going around, I don't feel too great either," she answered, leaning her head back softly. Stella shot Alex a questioning glance but quickly shook her head and dropped it. Alex pretended she didn't see the look and gently pushed her glasses back up her nose.

"If neither of us are getting breakfast, we may as well just not go," Stella pointed out, her voice soft and her accent thicker than it usually was.  
"That is a very good point. But what would we do instead?" Alex questioned, one eyebrow arched slightly. Stella shrugged.  
"I don't know. We could just chill in one of our bunks, they can't make us leave until work hours," the androgynous woman responded, her voice slightly stronger than before. Alex noticed she also had some more colour in her cheeks.

"Good idea, we can go to mine," Alex chuckled, jumping off the counter. Up until that moment, she had forgotten she was only wearing a towel. What reminded her was the damned piece of fabric almost falling down before Stella grabbed the edge of it, careful not to accidentally touch Alex. The black haired woman shot a quick smile of thanks and grabbed the towel, tucking it back around herself. She started out of the shower block, headed towards her bunk with Stella following close behind her.

The entire section was deserted when Alex and Stella reached the former's bunk, as everyone was at breakfast. Alex grabbed her clothes and shot a look towards Stella, who appeared to take the hint when she turned around. After quickly throwing on her clothes, Alex tapped Stella on the shoulder as a signal that she done. Stella turned back around before sitting down heavily on Alex's bed. The former drug dealer chuckled softly.

"I would say make yourself at home, but I think you already have," Alex smirked softly, one of her eyebrows raised. She played with her glasses, twirling them around in her fingers.  
"Yep. Because we're in prison. It's not really a home so I don't need an invitation," Stella responded. She knew her logic was somewhat flawed, but just went with it and hoped that Alex would too.  
"Fair point, I guess," Alex conceded, also dropping onto her bed unceremoniously. Stella just laughed, softly. Alex tried to think of something to break the silence, gazing unblinkingly towards the ceiling.

Finally, she settled on asking "Do you think anyone will miss us at breakfast?" as she tilted her head to the side to look at Stella. The other woman just shrugged.  
"Doubt it," she muttered, sounding almost bitter. "Most of the people in here wouldn't see a fist until it hit them in the face," Stella finished her sentence, a slight look of hurt flickering across her face so fast that Alex couldn't be sure if she really saw it.  
"That is true," Alex chuckled quietly, not wanting to pull the Aussie up on something that might not even be real.

Stella smiled slightly, although it didn't seem to reach her eyes. "Honestly, I'm not sure who's more oblivious. The COs or the other inmates," she replied, rolling her eyes slightly.  
Alex smiled again. "Probably the COs. They're fucking clueless," was her mumbled response. As Alex spoke, however, she caught a glance of Stella's arm. She could just barely see thin white lines running across the tanned skin, with the occasional angry red area. Alex stopped for a second in shock, not sure whether to mention it or not.

She decided to bring it up casually, and keep her tone calm. Make it seem like it's nothing all that concerning. So what came out of Alex's mouth next was simply "What's that on your arm?"  
Stella's gaze turned worried and she couldn't hide a slight flinch once the words registered with her. Alex's eyes widened at the severe reaction she got from the other female. If nothing else, that mostly confirmed for Alex that it was what she suspected.

"Stella..." Alex trailed off when she found her throat tightening, although she didn't know why.

"Stella, can you tell me...why?"


End file.
